Schrodinger's Cat

I go to therapy.

Every week or every other week I see an on-campus therapist. Why? Because I am anxious, and stressed-probably more than normal, probably to a point that’s not healthy.

But for a long time, I didn’t tell many people I went to therapy and it’s not a known fact-even to the people I am close with. It’s not something I’m ashamed of, but it’s not something you just talk about. 

 However, I wouldn't tell many people. I would cover it up with “Oh, I have an appointment” or a meeting, or I’m studying. But I would never tell people I go to therapy.

But here’s the thing this isn’t the first time seeing a therapist. It’s actually my second. The first time I went I was a senior in high school-almost two years ago.

Therapy is a hard thing, it’s almost like Schrödinger’s cat except you’re the box.

The idea of Schrodinger’s cat is a cat is put in a box but is never checked to see if it’s dead or alive; or even in the box at all. There’s a multitude of possibilities for the box and the cat, so long as the box is closed. Once opened though-there is only the one reality. Going to therapy is like opening the box, and the reality differs from person to person. My decision to go therapy was opening the box. It was me realizing the reality of my life is I can’t handle it on my own- I need guidance and support-from a professional (even though my family and friends are amazing at guidance and support). And slowly as I go to therapy I learn more about myself, more about what’s inside the box.

But why am I sharing all of this? Why am I up at 2AM, when I should be sleeping or studying? Because I come from a community that still has an issue with mental health and therapy. They see it as a weakness, or as something that’s fake. Personally, I am lucky that my family does not conform to those beliefs, but rather takes mental health seriously. In fact, it is family members that encourage me to go to therapy. Nevertheless, there are members of my community that do not see therapy as an appropriate choice. They see those who go to therapy as crazy. And that’s an issue. So here I am doing my due diligence, and reminding everyone what therapy really is. 

         Therapy is not a sign of weakness, but a symbol of strength. It’s self-awareness, it’s understanding that you need help and reaching out for it. Many will argue that you should “just read the Qu’ran (or any other spiritual/holy book)” or “you need more religion in your life”, and yes for some that maybe helpful. But for others that’s not enough. Sometimes you need to sit and talk to someone, sometimes you need to be medicated because your anxiety is so crippling you don’t sleep at night. Or that your depression is so bad you refuse to get out of bed. But regardless the point, regardless if you need medication or not, regardless if you’re religious/spiritual, regardless of anything else-if one feels if they need to go to therapy they should feel like they can without the stigma. The very heavy and daunting stigma. They should be able to go without the fear of what will others say or think. It’s a hard and difficult thing to overcome.

Even though I wasn’t ashamed of going to therapy, I was hesitant to share it. Mostly because of the stigma-mostly because I was afraid of how I’d be viewed. But then I realized I was scared not about those close to me viewed me (because they either knew or I knew they wouldn’t care), but rather I was nervous about how those I am not close to viewed me. And I realized that for a lack of a better term: it is stupid. I realized that it does not matter what other’s view of it, because they’re not the ones feeling my feels or having my thoughts. They aren’t the ones so crippled by anxiety, they stay in their room all day because socializing is scary. They aren’t the ones crying or hurting.

Going to therapy has been an eye opening experience, it’s helped me realize a lot about myself and more over it helped me realize that there’s still a lot I need to know. But I guess one thing is for sure, the cat’s out of the bag (or box): I go to therapy.